The Quotes of the Week

"I would've been out by now in Italy" - Housewife's favourite, Michael Laudrup, confesses that he would have been shown the door had he been managing 'Il Getafio' in Serie A. But then Spurs came along.

"Logically, to go to a big club is an important step" - Espanyol's flavour of the week, Albert Riera, gives a press conference with his agent's phone number printed on his forehead.

"I have to show that one day I could play for Real Madrid" - An approach also taken by Andrés "same hairdresser as Fabricio Coloccini" Guardado, of Deportivo.

"It is an honour, but my objective is to stay here" - Ben Arva Benzema's response to Real Madrid rumours was enough to provoke "I'm mad for Madrid!" headlines from a bored of David Villa Marca.

"My aim is not just to win, but to put on a show" - Bernd Schuster confirms that Casino Royale will be shown on the Bernabeu big screens to keep future crowds awake after Sunday's Deportivo bore fest.

"I enjoyed watching Agüero. It was like a trip to the Prado" - said Lokomotiv Moscow manager, Anatoly Byshovets after their UEFA cup match with Atletico - a man who clearly revels in staring at 15,000 identical paintings of Jesus being poked in the side with a spear.

"This should have been thought of on Monday, not Thursday" - Deportivo coach, Miguel Angel Lotina, is another one unhappy at last week's match day change. A change which saw his family cancel plans to visit him in the Spanish capital.

"It's a good thing they don't miss me" - Fernando Torres on his old club. Remember Fernando Torres? Mullet? Couldn't decide when to pass or shoot? No? Oh well.

"I cannot remember the last time I saw my web page" - Bernd Schuster defends comments on his personal site suggesting that he contemplated putting his dog's collar on Leo Messi, as a way to stop him. It would certainly liven up the next 'el classico'.

"He grabbed me by the neck" - Disgruntled ex-Barcelona employee and journalist, Juanjo Castillo, looks back at a very alleged scuffle with Joan Plaza outside a restaurant, last weekend.

"I felt ashamed. Very ashamed" - Guti's confesses that he was caught by surprise by the goal celebration against Deportivo which saw Robinho pretending to clean Guti's boots.

"I would love to have a job so privileged that I can criticse everyone and know little or nothing" - And La Liga Loca can assure Bernd Schuster that it is, indeed, a lot of fun.

"I don't know why (the home fans) are booing me," complains Athletic Bilbao striker, Fernando Llorente. Because you are rubbish, perhaps? *See above quote.

"Afraid of boos and whistles? I'm only afraid of death" - Thierry Henry ends the latest round up in a suitably Halloweeny way.

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The Very Quick Midweek Predictions

Betis v Osasuna - Draw
Deportivo v Mallorca - Draw
Almeria v Zaragoza - Draw
Getafe v Athletic - Home Win
Villarreal v Levante - Home Win
Recreativo v Racing - Home Win
Valencia v Real Madrid - Home Win
Atletico v Sevilla - Away Win
Valladolid v Barcelona - Draw
Espanyol v Murcia - Home Win

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The Sack Race Latest

The top two of La Liga Loca's last sacking chart have been ousted. So, who's next?

Michael Laudrup - Getafe 5/1
Hector Cuper - Real Betis 6/1
Victor Muñoz - Recreativo 7/1
Frank Rijkaard - Barcelona 20/1

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All blog content copyright of La Liga Loca, 2007

Monday's Good Day, Bad Day - Round Nine

Did Quique have to go? Are Real Madrid certainties for the title? Is Giovani a cheat? All this and more in this week's Good Day, Bad Day.

Bad Day

Quique Sanchez Flores

Maybe poor Quique's days were numbered, when Manuel Angel Ruiz was appointed to replace Amedeo Carboni. It was Ruiz' gloomy 'state of play' report, on Sunday night, that Soler took to being the trigger to sack Quique - something he had been wanting to do for some time, one suspects.

That and a 3-0 defeat to Sevilla when the visitors offered nothing according to AS. And a faltering Champions League campaign.

Maybe Quique was undermined by the notoriously grumpy Valencia fans. Or maybe even the notoriously grumpy Valencia players?

Either way, La Liga Loca has a soft spot for Quique and hopes to see him and his scarf back on a touchline sometime soon. But that could be a long wait according to the great man himself - "I feel I have lost a job, but got back a life."

TV Viewers

On Friday, La Liga Loca warned that the Athletic v Betis match on Saturday night, maybe be akin to some kind of CIA-inspired torture. And shame on you if you failed to take heed and sat through the goalless draw.

Athletic Bilbao

This is not going to be a fun season for Athletic Bilbao fans. Especially for those poor souls watching at the San Mamés, where they have yet to win, this year. "If there is one team I like to beat, it's Betis," confessed Sevilla mad Caparrós before the match. Looks like he'll have to wait another six months for the chance to try again.

Real Betis

Get relegated, go mid table, fight for a European place. Whatever. Just do something. Please.

Miguel Angel Lotina

Always entertaining to watch the Deportivo coach in action in press conferences. Lotina just sucks the life and soul out of the room like the giant blobby doom monster in Spirited Away.

Marca described him having a 'poker face' on Sunday, as he talked about a defeat against Real Madrid that could have been a win. It looked more like a man with fifteen years worth of trapped wind, to La Liga Loca.

Valladolid

Another tremendous capitulation by the increasingly entertaining Valladolid, on Sunday afternoon. 2-0 up at Osasuna and looking forward to three points to lift them out of the relegation zone. Until a fearful five minute spell when Osasuna pulled the result back to 2-2.

"B*llocks, f*ck, sh*t, w*nk" were four words that Valladolid coach, Mendilibar didn't say in the post match press conference. But he should have done.

Villarreal

When the Yellow Submarine have a dodgy day, they go down in some style. The 4-1 thrashing by a previously rubbish Zaragoza follows on nicely from the 5-0 drubbing by Real Madrid. Marca cheekily suggests that the 'V' in Villarreal stands for 'Vertigo'.

Getafe

The early season version of Getafe is back, reports Marca, the one where they dominate games, but fail to score any goals. "We have to find solutions now, not in May' says David Belenguer. "If you don't scored, you don't win," says Michael Laudrup. "What! el Pato is still in goal in my fantasy team!" says La Liga Loca.

Recreativo

The Andalusians have now slipped into La Liga Loca's latest imaginary relegation zone, despite sitting two places above the real one. Four defeats in a row with no goals scored are worrying statistics for a Recre side who face a crunch match against Racing Santander on Wednesday and their former manager, Marcelino.

Good Day

Manolo Jiminéz

A 3-0 win over Valencia is a fairly good start for the new Sevilla coach. "It made me feel like a player again and the fifteen years I was here when people would sing my name," grinned the new man at the helm, after the game.

But for more on Sevilla's weekend, click here for the Spanish Thing.

Guti

La Liga Loca was already to fire both barrels at the red boot wearing waste of space. But then he pulled that killer pass to Robinho out of the locker to prevent the blog venting its spleen. However, the few seconds before that moment was typical of Guti's "what a nice sunny day, oh look a butterfly, it's only Deportivo and I really can't be arsed" attitude for much of the 3-1 victory.

With the overworked Fernando Gago offering himself in every move and working his booty off, Guti literally strolled towards the Deportivo penalty area before flicking in the pass to set up the third goal.

Whether it was down to the Sunday five o'clock kick off - siesta time in Spain - or the 80 minutes of lifeless dross being played out on the pitch, the Bernabeu was so quiet you could hear a bocadillo being dropped, for much of the match.

However, the bored Bernabeu crowd are probably looking at this year's champions.

Barcelona

La Liga Loca is going to put its hand up and confess that it has no idea if Barcelona's first goal was offside or not. The 'in play' 'out of play' rules seem to be interpreted in different ways, by different referees. It's all very confusing.

And this is a line being taken by Marca and AS who also express doubts over whether it was a valid goal or not. And it was a line being taken by the 'tertulias' on Sunday night, although they could argue about the sky being blue for hours, if required.

However, La Liga Loca is sure that the penalty was as dodgy as hell and is willing to declare that Giovani is indeed, the new Messi, in the cheating stakes. And Marquez' body slam on Negredo was highly dodgy, too.

Atletico Madrid

After Atletico's 0-1 win over Levante, Javier Aguirre revealed that a player told him that it was "a game they would have lost, last year". Aside from the fact that it was a game they won, last year, you know what he means.

The front two of Forlán and Agüero are performing footballing miracles at the moment, but Aguirre knows that this cannot last much longer and revealed that he is waiting for the day for Mista to return, so he can rest one of his front men. A worrying confession, indeed.

Espanyol

It was a weekend away to the Balearics for Paul from Barcelona. So let's hear all about it.

"For me away matches were always 20 blokes in the back of a transit and 8 hour trips to Torquay to watch Port Vale get beaten again.

How times have changed. A 30 minute flight to Mallorca in relative comfort, it was Spanair after all. Lots of Mickey taking or Leo taking really about anti-flying and did anyone speak German ? Yes actually, hi Rainer.

And unlike Barça our jet engine stopped whining at the airport. Also how exactly do you pronounce Son Moix ?

A healthy away support watched in horror as a maybe offside (?) Arango volleyed home after a great pass from Ibagaza. Only 2 mins gone. Then with an even better goal.

Arango glanced a beautiful header into his own net from Luis Garcia's free kick - 1-1. Tamudo's pace was causing problems and when he burst into the box he was bundled over by Ballesteros (possibly with a five iron). Penalty and Red card. Power pen 1-2. Tamudo is on a great run.

So 2-1 up against 10 men, we must win right? This is Espanyol. The better the team the better they play, but we are playing Mallorca. Then, in a moment of madness, the Tasmanian devil in footy boots, Clemente, body checked a Mallorca payer. We also have 10. A great individual goal from Guiza 2-2.

After this, either side could have won, but a draw was a fair result. 5 unbeaten for us against a team that Tim tipped to do well. He's not a bad judge. Great to see De La Peña back, he can only make us better.

So Real Murcia on Thursday night 10pm. Why oh Why. A win will say a lot about the rest of the season. A defeat or draw, same old."

Paul, Barcelona

Zaragoza

The omens were not great for Zaragoza during the week. The awful showing against Atletico on Sunday night, the funny business with d'Alessandro...but to prove for once and for all that football is indeed a funny old game, they slam four past high flying Villarreal. And in so doing, move La Liga Loca's 'CRISIS' sign over the heads of Recreativo.

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Anyone missed? Feeling unloved or outraged? Click on comments for your say.

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All comments copyright of La Liga Loca, 2007

The Great Grumpy Weekend Predictions

Saturday

Mallorca (7th) v Espanyol (5th)

La Liga Loca's current favourite side in the league take on Espanyol - maybe its third or fourth in this prestigious mini-table. However, this ranking does tend to change by the hour depending on traffic conditions, pollution levels and if frickin' Dover (much better as a grunge band) are playing on the radio. Again.

Espanyol will be looking for more magic from Tamudo, Garcia and Riera - the latter being the latest flavour of the week to be linked with Real Madrid - to see them through against Mallorca. But there won't be any. Home win.

Athletic v Betis

See Real Madrid v Deportivo. Home win.

Sunday

Real Madrid (1st) v Deportivo (16th)

Rant time. And a 15 certificate rated one at that.

When Robinho confessed that he 'didn't know the Espanyol match was on Saturday' as an excuse for his late arrival from Brazil, "what bollocks!" was the instant reply. But the Real Madrid striker may have been telling the truth, considering the farcical goings-on, this Thursday - a day that saw Spanish football and its sporting journalism at its very worst.

Due to the ongoing 'f*ck the fans' tv war, Real Madrid requested that their Saturday 22.00 free to air match against Deportivo be moved to Sunday at 17.00 - the dead zone.

Their request was granted by the league. Real Madrid claimed in a statement that they had no choice in the matter, due to legal and economic pressure from AVS - the company who own their tv rights.

For once, the club have to be given the benefit of the doubt, as they have nothing to gain from the move. Madrid have missed out on a match being broadcast to both domestic and international audiences, their fans are pissed as hell and the squad have one less day to prepare for the visit to Sevilla on Wednesday.

The reason AVS reportedly forced the change was that they did not want their prized footballing possession being televised live by Mediapro, a key shareholder of La Sexta - the channel due to broadcast the 'general interest' Real Madrid game. 'Screw everyone else' thought AVS, including...

Deportivo - who must now pay 36,000 euros to change their travel plans. A large sum for a club that cannot afford to even rent a pot to piss in.

Fans - both of Deportivo, Real Madrid and tourist types who may have made plans to catch the Saturday night game, in the Spanish capital.

TV Audiences - who must now sit through Athletic v Betis on Saturday night. Seeing how much tortilla you can shove up your nose without choking, will be more pleasurable.

Real Betis - who had to cancel a training session and head north on being told that their match was now being moved from Sunday to Saturday.

Marca, who are part of the Mediapro camp, have quite rightly condemned the schedule move claiming that "no one is thinking of the fans."

However, those weasel-faced scumbags at AS - part of the AVS group have said absolutely nothing about the change, apart from publishing Real Madrid's statement. A low point in the paper's life. And there has been a lot of them.

For those still reading. Home win.

Levante (20th) v Atletico Madrid (6th)

A disappointing night in Moscow seems to be the feeling from the Atletico camp, after their 3-3 draw against Lokomotiv. It was a match that went 'off the rails' for the rojiblancos when they 'ran out of steam' by giving up a second half lead.

The most entertaining sports writer in Spain, Iñaki Diáz-Guerra from AS points the finger of blame at the back four claiming that the club has spent millions on the best attack in Europe but has "a defence that resembles the New York Nationals - the team who spent years being humiliated by the Harlem Globetrotters."

It will still be good enough to hold off Abel Resino-less Levante. Away win.

Zaragoza (10th) v Villarreal (2nd)

In a week when second division franchise club Granada 74 announced that they were to star in a reality tv show about the side, Zaragoza have been one step ahead in airing their dirty laundry in public.

The past few days has been all about Andrés d'Alessandro and his various rants and training ground explusions.

The argumentative Argentinean returned to training on Thursday claiming he regretted his various outbursts concerning favouritism in the Zaragoza camp. Before going to say that "I still think the same thing." Good work. Home win.

Osasuna (14th) v Valladolid (19th)

Note to Valencia supporters. Valladolid fans have backed their struggling players, this week, by displaying banners of support during midweek practice sessions. Not that this is going to help them one jot on Sunday. Home win.

Racing Santander (8th) v Getafe (18th)

Months of rubbish performances in the Premier League and just one win wasn't enough to get Martin Jol kicked out of White Hart Lane. But apparently a defeat to a second string Getafe was. Fair enough. Home win.

Murcia (12th) v Recreativo (15th)

Recreativo have not scored a single goal in their last three matches. Which is all La Liga Loca's got on this one.

Barcelona (4th) v Almería (9th)

Hopefully, visiting Almería won't offend poor Leo Messi's sporting sensibilities by going to the Camp Nou and attempting dastardly tactics such as 'defending properly' and playing 'counter attack' football, like Rangers did.

Instead, they should perhaps perform the footballing equivalent of walking out on the pitch and simply bending over for ninety minutes*. Home win.

*La Liga Loca has very much woken up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Sevilla (11th) v Valencia (3rd)

By the time this blog is read by some, it could be hopelessly out of date. Again. At time of writing, it appears that this may be Juande Ramos' last match in charge of Sevilla, as he is set to give the big finger to José Maria del Nido and pack his backs for Spurs. And this can only be a very bad thing for Sevilla. And maybe Tottenham? Draw.

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Reasons to be Worried in La Romareda?

For a team that was expected to be duking it out for a Champions League place, this season, the start of the year has not exactly gone to plan for poor old Real Zaragoza - one of the more enjoyable sides in the league to watch.

Stuck behind the likes of Almería in the table, out of the UEFA Cup, fisticuffs on the training ground, moans in the media and thrashed by Atletico Madrid, it has all gone a little bit Pete Tong for Milito's men.

But it is hard to put your finger on why.

Gabi Milito was lost to Barcelona, but replaced by Roberto Ayala - the canniest / dirtiest defender on the planet. The side has the luxury of possessing few international players and the UEFA Cup exit sees their season's workload considerably reduced.

However, there are definite problems on the pitch.

At the Calderón, on Sunday, Diego Milito and the excellent Ricardo Oliveira barely got a sniff of the ball. Pablo Aimar's continuing attempts to beat the entire Atletico Madrid defence on his own came to nothing.

And Víctor Fernández decided to start the game with the two ex-rojiblancos, Peter Luccin and Gabi - a couple of footballers that La Liga Loca, has never seen the point of - especially the former.

Sitting the bench was the in-form Sergio Garcia and Andrés d'Alessandro - a player having one or two 'issues' at the moment.

Last week, the midfielder stormed out of training, having had a blazing row with the apparently blameless Pablo Aimar.

On Sunday, when he came onto the pitch as a late sub, Andrés spent much of his time waving his arms around on the wing, making desperate appeals to his team mates to give him the ball - something they declined to do on a number of occasions.

Yesterday, d'Alessandro's obvious frustrations came to a head when he was kicked out of training by his manager, after he complained that a tweaked Pablo Aimar (spot the theme?) had been let off much of the session.

"When will we see the day when we all train together?!" yelled the string haired one at Fernández. "You should just worry about yourself" replied the coach, ordering his player to the showers, soon after.

This weekend's home match against Villarreal could be the one to turn Zaragoza's frown upside down. Or launch them into full on Spanish crisis mode.

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A rather cheeky Marca has Robinho promising us a party at the Bernabeu on Wednesday night against Olympiakos - a side that has only won one Champions League match away in its history.

La Liga Loca is making the trip to the Bernabeu, but rather than experiencing an evening of strippers and vodka jellies, it is looking forward to a dull as hell 2-0 win (Van Nistelrooy, Raul). With the first boos from the home at the 32nd minute mark.

Nevertheless, it hopes to be proved wrong by a dazzling display that makes Arsenal's Tuesday night blitz look positively conservative.

Barcelona's players are not happy at all with Rangers' approach to the Champions League match on Tuesday night. "It is hard to play against a side who don't want to win," moaned Messi. It is also hard for Barcelona to play against sides who do want to win - such as Villarreal.

Valencia are off the frozen tundra of Norway to take on Rosenborg - a match Fernando Morientes, for one, is not looking forward to.

"It's too cold," he grumbled. However, Quique has a cunning plan on how the side will ensure all three points against their opponents. "We will be going out with a knife between our teeth" revealed the Valencia manager, as the UEFA representative raised his eyebrows in alarm.

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More Empty Rhetoric from the Big Two

In theory, what a footballer gets up to in his private life is between himself, his employer and nobody else.

If Ronaldinho wants to get battered with strippers, then that is his prerogative as, Bobby Brown once pointed out.

If Robinho wants to return to his club later than expected without informing them of delays due to "air traffic" problems, then that's fine, too.

Except it isn't.

And the reason it isn't, is that both of their clubs have spent the past few months issuing immensely pompous public statements concerning club discipline, code of conducts and how their players will be shining examples to their great names, both on and off the pitch.

Over the summer, Barcelona president, Joan Laporta, declared that there would be no more dressing room indiscipline and 'gym sessions' for d'inho and co. There was to be a new sheriff in town.

Just a few weeks ago, Real Madrid president, Ramon Calderon, was filmed handing out code of conduct books to his bemused players.

And this is exactly why how they deal with players when infractions occur is very much in the domain of public debate. It is a classic 'living by the sword, dying by the sword' scenario.

Oleguer Presas escaped any kind of sanction for going rally driving and boasting that he did not even bother seeking permission to take up a pursuit that appears to involve driving into ditches, a lot of the time.

Ronaldinho has been punished for making himself unplayable for the Villarreal defeat by being selected to take to the field against Rangers. And it is the same situation for Robinho who will be taking on Olympiakos, on Wednesday.

To return to the first point, it is entirely up to Barcelona and Real Madrid as to how they choose to handle their players when they stray off the path.

But only if they desist from publishing more empty threats concerning what will happen when this occurs.

As it turns out, the threats are flimsier than an excuse from Robinho.

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Monday's Good Day, Bad Day - Round Eight

Good Day

Villarreal

The Yellow Submarine flew into Barcelona in the opening minutes of Saturday's match and had knocked off two goals before Barcelona had time to react. Curiously, two of their three goals came from penalties, an oddity which prompted conspiracy loving AS speculate on whether Joan Laporta and Spain footie supremo Villar were going through a divorce.

Sport were putting the blame firmly on Oleguer Presas and a general slackness from the side, but that is perhaps unfair on a Villarreal team who were simply better on the night.

Bojan

A nicely taken effort from a corker of a pass from Messi makes Bojan the youngest ever scorer for Barcelona and the third youngest in the Spanish league.

Espanyol

In what can best described as a thesis, here is the latest from a very excited Paul from Barcelona.

1) Man of the match for me was the only player who is named after a Kinks song. David Watts. Lola was magnificent, he controls,passes and moves. That's all I ask for. Big mentions to Luis Garcia and Riera who caused Madrid untold problems.

2) Madrid were poor. The two centre backs looked vulnerable. In midfield they were out muscled by Moises and upfront looked slow. Ok they are missing a couple of players but they seemed to lack the fight after the second goal. All is not well

3) The Ref and the one at Villarreal. They might not be the best but at least they had some balls this weekend. Booking Ruud for diving and then the other bloke giving two penalties against Barça in the same match (2 in a season is unusual) says a lot. Ok even i will admit the first one wasn't a penalty but how do you say "What goes around comes around" in Catalan? And lets be honest they were outplayed by an excellent Yellow Submarine. Expect referee effigies to be burned in the streets this week.

4) Supporters-When i first went to an Espanyol-Real Madrid game, 12 years ago paul watchers, the crowd was 60% Madrid supporters, last night less than 25% and watching Bojan salute the traveling support after his "Goal of The Century" copyright Sport. It was nice to see the away fan wave back. What does this say about the state of the two superclubs ?

Paul, Barcelona

Joaquin

In the form of his life for Valencia, at the moment. He won and scored the penalty for the first goal in the 4-2 defeat of Deportivo and hurled in a fantastic cross for Morientes' first and Valencia's third.

No doubt the barking mad Valencia home support will be booing Quique and co next time they are in the Mestalla, considering the side's dreadful position of being a whopping one point off the top of the table.

The one note of caution for Valencia is their very leaky defence which has now conceded eleven goals - more than Real Betis, which is always a worrying statistic.

Luis Fabiano

After four league defeats, finally some good news for Sevilla. With Freddie Kanouté rested, it was up to the most hit and miss player in the league to deliver the goods - and Luis Fabiano did not fail when he popped up with a couple of goals. Granted, it was against Levante, but Juande Ramos and the boys will care little.

Almería

Still plugging away in ninth place and with over a quarter of the points that they need for survival in the bag. However, controversy surrounds an incident in their 2-0 win over Osasuna that La Liga Loca has not managed to see. With the scores at 0-0, Elia in the opposition goal was sent off after a bit of a to-do with home striker, Negredo.

Interestingly - or not - the referee spotted nothing wrong in the challenge but the linesman flagged him over. Soon after, the Osasuna stopper was off and a penalty awarded. If anyone can confirm if any fishy business went on, just send through a comment.

Ruben de la Red

Perhaps the most intriguing part of a desperately dull first half at the Coliseum on Sunday, was a tit bit from a local hack regarding former Real Madrid midfielder, Ruben de la Red. According to John Jenson, Michael Laudrup's number two, de la Red had played so few games for Getafe, this season, as he was simply too good for the rest of the side and needed to 'lower' his expectations of what his team mates could achieve when making passes, etc.

But with Getafe running on empty at half time and 0-0 against Murcia, de la Red was brought on and made an impact a few minutes later with a delightful cross that another sub, Kepa, slotted home.

"This is a new sensation for me," joked Laudrup in the press room afterwards as he discussed his club's first league win of the season.

Atletico Madrid

It was perhaps one of the best displays from Atletico Madrid that La Liga Loca has seen for some time, on Sunday night. Fast, furious, precise passing and lethal finishing. And the odd punt at the strip bar advertising scoreboard from Maniche, of course. As Javier Aguirre commented after the match, it is still far too early to know if the win and the performance are significant or if Atletico will simply roll over at Levante, next weekend.

TV viewers

The increasingly bizzare tv wars continue with Telecinco popping up to show the Villarreal v Barcelona match. For readers in the UK, that is a little like Channel 4 suddenly deciding to show the Merseyside derby, on a whim.

Bad Day

Real Madrid, Barcelona

In a repetition of last year's campaign, the two sides are mirroring each others results. And yet again, it is Barcelona who missed the opportunity to take advantage of their title rival's all round slackness, on Saturday night.

Robinho, Ronaldinho

Neither player could be described as flavour of the month with their managers. So neither player could afford to have taken the decision to stay on in Brazil, party hard and arrive back in Spain, too late to play at the weekend.

For Robinho especially, this was not a smart move. With his arrival at training earlier in the year, still tanked up from the night before, the Brazilian has little credit left in his Real Madrid account. His revelation, on Sunday, that he has picked up a knee injury probably hasn't helped. Who'd have thought lap dances could be so dangerous?

Valladolid, Levante

With one win between them, it looks like two of this year's relegation spots already have owners. But what about the third? Come on down, Real Betis!

Deportivo

La Liga Loca predicted a rough old season for Deportivo, this time around. And that's what they are suffering at the moment. With just one win in five, three points from the drop zone and a visit to the Bernabeu to come on Saturday, the immediate future is very bleak for Depor.

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Anyone missed? Just click on comments....

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The Great Weekend Preview

"Hooray ! The league is back!" cried La Liga Loca, on Friday morning as it tripped over the empty champagne bottles and peered out of its penthouse window.

But not everyone is feeling as enthused with the prospect of proper football, again. Marca doesn't like the world's game, anymore. Marca has watched rugby.

"There's such nobility, courage and energy," sighed its love struck editorial, on Friday. "At any moment, I expected someone to break their neck or leg," gasped Bertín Osborne on England's crushing of France. "But they got up...and ran! In football, one little tap and they are dead for three minutes."

Nevertheless, La Liga Loca still cares even if Marca has betrayed the cause - although they did find the energy to publish a fascinating story about a new table in Real Madrid's boardroom. A great insight into the current state of Spanish football journalism.

Round eight of the Primera kicks off on Saturday, although times have yet to be agreed upon by AVS, as they refused to turn up for the scheduling meeting, last week.

Abel Resino-less Levante host Sevilla. More revelations turned up, this week, of bottom of the table Levante's current prickly pecuniary predicament.

Former boss, Resino, confessed that he had only been paid three times, this year. On top of that, he claims that he is still owed money from 2006. And his pay off. "An owner can't keep putting money into the club or he'll be ruined," warned Abel.

Sevilla are looking to sort their season out with an away win, although Juande Ramos thinks he may have found one of the causes of the team's current slump - the constant tributes to Antonio Puerta.

Harsh as it sounds, Ramos wants to stop the flower laying and silences before their games as it is affecting his players - "a footballer can lose concentration in a minute's silence." A footballer can lose concentration staring at sparkly sweet wrappers floating in the wind. Especially Maniche.

Villarreal take on a Barcelona side who may be giving a debut to 12 year old wonderhorse, Bojan Krkic - providing the youngster finishes his homework and is in bed by eleven, of course, as per the club's new take it or leave it, rally driving-excluded code of conduct.

La Liga Loca's current least favourite team, Deportivo, will be fielding their 4-6-0 formation against Valencia, who have been forced to bat away rumours that David Villa will be off to Real Madrid in the summer, if the men from Mestalla end up with another trophy-less season.

At 10.00 on Saturday night, a side packed with hungry young talent and loaded with international superstars will be taking on Real Madrid - a Real Madrid without Arjen "I want to show that I am not made of crystal" Robben, who is now out for five weeks.

The Dutchman joins the tiny-headed Pepe on the sidelines - another fantastic investment by Calderón and co, over the summer.

On Sunday, Almería host Osasuna.

Valladolid take on an Athletic Bilbao, really needing a win. And the club have found a way to get it. Athletic Bilbao have discovered vitamins.

"When you ask the players if they eat fruit, they say they don't like to," claimed their nutritionist, as he waved a mango in Fernando Llorente's direction.

Real Betis play Racing Santander, a club that is about to lose the highly rated Ezequiel Garay to Real Madrid, or a Manchester United side that was sniffing around him, last season.

Despite Getafe's Mario Cotelo claiming that "there are no finals in October," his side have a final against Murcia, on Sunday. A win and all is well, says club president, Angel Torres.

A defeat and a third string team will be sent to London to take on Spurs in the UEFA Cup - and not because Paul Robinson plays for them. "I'm saving the players for the league," confessed the bearded big man.

Recreativo play the new rock and roll version of Mallorca and the round is wrapped up by a Sunday night match up between Atletico Madrid and Zaragoza.

Where to start on this one? Sergio Aguero following up his one minute of action on a recent Argentina trip to Australia, with seventeen minutes in two games in South America? Or José Antonio Reyes naming his new baby, José Antonio Reyes?

Or Zaragoza hobbits, Pablo Aimar and D'Alessandro getting into a very latin training ground scrap? - all pushing and slurs about each other's mother.

"You're a f**kwit" shouted D'Alessandro to his colleague, "I'm going to kill you!" And all over a game of Scrabble. Perhaps.

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All blog content copy right of La Liga Loca, 2007.

Marca Leave Way Open for More AS Licking

After months of sleeping in separate bedrooms and passing meaningless pleasantries as they pass on the stairs, it seems that both Villarreal and Juan Roman Riquelme have come to the same conclusion. It's all over.

It's time to divide the Snow Patrol cd collection, have one last spin through the photo album together and part company.

Riquelme's stunning free kick cameo in Argentina's 2-0 win over Chile has made his current role as the Yellow Submarine handy man untenable.

"It's time that Riquelme finishes with Villarreal" said club director José Manuel Llaneza. "But where else am I going to find someone who will pay be squillions to do sod all?" Riquelme failed to reply.

Current contenders to claim that honour are Manchester City and AC Milan, who have reportedly tabled a five million Euro bid.

Up in Castle GreySkull, Ramón Calderón woke up on Monday morning and realised that he had not done anything outstandingly dumb since opening his eyes twenty seconds previously.

So he decided to issue a complaint to the Spanish FA concerning the treatment of club mascot, Raúl, with the demand that it should organise a special tribute to the probably very embarrassed by the whole business Real Madrid number seven.

In response the FEF have rolled over like nat-nipped kittens to grant Calderón his preposterous wish. But no one seems sure what form this tribute will take. A fifty foot high statue of someone standing around not scoring? A giant 'I (heart) Raul' painted in the sky? Send your ideas for a suitable tribute to the Real Madrid captain to La Liga Loca.

Calderón then decided to claim credit for Spain's 3-1 victory over Denmark by saying it was all down to Real Madrid. "The stars of Spain were ours - Ramos and Iker" boasted the pumped up president, in an opinion that both pericos and culés might come together and contest. Or not.

Rather than harassing the already befuddled suits who run Spanish football, Calderón may want to consider how to patch up the ever worsening relations with Marca. For those with short memories or better things to do in their lives, here's a quick recap.

The feud began when the Madrid based paper ran a story concerning the very alleged corruption-themed activities of the Real Madrid president's sons.

Calderón responded by boycotting the paper's annual award ceremony and instructed every one else at the club to do the same. Marca retaliated by reporting that the club had been in secret talks with David Villa - something Real Madrid were forced to deny on their website.

On Wednesday morning, Marca decided to poke Real Madrid's rear again by publishing an interview with Villa concerning the interest from the Galacticos.

"It raised my spirits" said the striker, cheerfully. The Valencia hotshot then sent out a rather blatant 'come and can get me' to a club who would reportedly triple his current salary.

"Valencia know what I want and I know what they want" said Villa over ongoing contract talks between his agent and Juan Bautista Soler, the Mestalla president.

Marca comment that Real Madrid are following the well trodden path for signing big players. One - contact the player secretly. Two - let the papers find out. Three - deny everything. Four - watch the player's current club go mental. Five - ramp up the pressure. Six - sign them.

In a stroppy editorial, the paper has attacked Calderón for using Real Madrid's communication outlets for his own political means and have pointed out that he has failed to respond to claims from AS that Frank Lampard is being lined up for a January move.

Meanwhile, as one poster predicted, AS have stepped into the kiss-arse vacuum by breathlessly covering club plans to pour billions into their Valdebebas training facilities. These plans include the construction of residences for the academy players, hotels and a Disney themed crazy golf course, especially for the use of Guti.

Over in Laporta-Land, Barcelona's 'Tkiki' has displayed more cheek that Maniche in a thong, by asking both Samuel Eto'o and Yaya Touré to miss out on the African Nations Cup tournament and stay with Barcelona.

"Bugger off" was the reply from both, with Yaya pointing out that he warned the club about his international commitments when he signed for them, in the summer.

Citizen Oleguer has spoken out about his stint a few weeks back as a co-pilot in the Rally of Catalunya, an activity that probably broke the unbreakable Barcelona code of conduct. "The club would have given me permission...had I asked for it" declared the defensive legend.

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Much Ado About Nothing for Spain

The arms of King Laporta of Catalunya's throne must have been squeezed to breaking point on Saturday night. His request that his Barcelona players rest themselves were clearly being disobeyed.

The little legs of Xavi and Iniesta were whizzing around like little whizzy things to inspire Spain's 3-1 victory over Denmark - a victory that should see Luis Aragones scowling from the bench in his second international tournament, next summer.

Childish taunting from La Liga Loca aside, Laporta has been making valid points over the past few weeks concerning international players being returned broken, battered and bent to their salary paying clubs.

His calls for an insurance scheme to cover serious injuries picked up on international duty, as suffered by the likes of Michael Owen and Maxi Rodriguez, have been repeated by many figures in the game.

But, as Samuel Eto'o pointed out last week, it could be an impractical scheme for many countries - "I don't think my federation could pay this."

Where Laporta overstepped the mark for many in Spain, last week, was his comments that Barcelona players should take it easy during their international commitments. A request that some of his own footballers disagreed with.

"Every player should give everything they have. More so in international matches because of the prestige of playing for your country" argued Victor Valdes, a man who is perhaps not best qualified on this particular subject.

"Laporta doesn't know what it is to play in the shirt of your country" argued Real Madrid and Argentina's Gabriel Heinze, unaware that the Barcelona president almost certainly sleeps in pyjamas woven from the flag of Catalunya.

Spain's victory over Denmark has not reduced the pressure on Luis Aragones, who, despite being a bumbling fool, La Liga Loca does feel a tiny bit sorry for. In the same way you would feel sorry for a stray dog having stones thrown at it by local urchins - probably still some kind of festival in parts of Andalusia.

Marca's Roberto Palomer has called for the coach to step down after Wednesday's friendly with Finland - "there is no better time for him to retire."

Last week, the Spanish coach, tired of the endless Rául questions from the Madrid press, continued his media blackout and only did an interview for the FA's web page. "I have to be more serene than ever" argued Snowflake.

That serenity did last long when Aragones snapped and responded to the taunting of a tv station about the absence of Rául by spitting "How many World Cups has Raul played in? Three. And European Championships? Two. And many World Cups has be won? None."

In the end, Aragones was vindicated in his choice. As a rather excellent headline in Mundo Deportivo put it "La Noche de Raúl...Tamudo".

Meanwhile, back in La Liga, it has been as dull as being forced to watch Alatriste, twice.

Levante's financial problems have left some of its players unpaid - a situation that can never go well in the football world, but especially at this bottom dwelling club.

Sevilla president José del Nido has dismissed claims that his players have stopped drinking a 'special formula' containing secret ingredients, which is given to them by the medical staff, since the death of Antonio Puerta.

"It only contains natural products and vitamins" said del Nido.

El Pais are reporting that Atletico Madrid's plans to move into La Peineta have run into problems. Apparently the club are going to have to pay 160 million euros up front for the rebuilding work required at the rather battered athletics venue.

The paper reports that this may be a bit of an issue with the club whose debt ranges between 130 and 450 million euros - depending on who you believe - and who made a loss of 103 million euros over the last two seasons.

Rather worrying reports from Togo suggest that Freddie Kanouté needed stitches after being attacked by local fans after Mali's 2-0 win over their rivals, which saw them qualify for the African Nations Cup.

It is a result which also stuffs Sevilla royally, as they look set to be without Kanouté, Koné and Keita for a good six weeks, next year.

Marca, who are still in a spikey mood with Real Madrid, have reported the fascinating news that Rául is the most famous Spaniard in China.

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For the latest hot news on how Chris Coleman is faring in Real Sociedad. Just click here for full satisfaction.

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All blog content copyright of La Liga Loca, 2007

Money, Managers and Middlemen

Three big questions to be answered today. How much are you paying for your Radiohead download? How 'Kevin 'it's soooo unfair' the Teenager' are the Spanish going to go if Lewis Hamilton wins the Formula One championship. And who do you go to if you are short of a bob or two in Seville?

Don't go to Jesus Navas for starters. Not only because he'll probably run off and quite rightly have you beaten up. But also, because his agent, Jaime Rodríguez de Moya, claims that the midfielder is still being paid the same money as when he was in the youth team.

"Jesus is one of the worst paid players in the squad at the moment" grumbled Jaime, who is concerned that Navas' agoraphobic tendencies may have been taken advantage of evil uncle del Nido and co.

"His performance on the pitch has been ten out of ten" argued the agent as he eyed the special DVD box set of flamenco classics that his contract cut would buy.

Sevilla have responded by offering to double Navas' pocket money if he washes the squad's cars on Sunday morning.

The club has also taken advantage of the international break to do some naval gazing on their underwhelming start to the season.

"We have lowered our levels of aggressiveness a bit...perhaps we consider ourselves to be a better team than we are" mused Juande Ramos.

"If people expect Sevilla to keep doing what we have been doing over the past two years, then they're wrong" argued Enzo Maresca.

Barcelona are looking a little rattled with the news that former number two, Ten Cate, may well be reuniting with Frank Rijkaard in the summer - at Chelsea. And it seems that they may well cheer themselves up after his loss with the purchase of Cesc Fabregas. That's right - those stories are back again.

Joan Laporta has been on a familiar riff again by expressing his desire to create "the Catalan Republic of Barcelona" - with himself, wearing a nice shiny crown no doubt.

He later went onto to boast that the club had 100 million fans who could all sing the club's hymn "which is in Catalan!" he said excitably.

Levante have started training with their new Italian manager - Gianni De Biasi - and his fifty seven strong backroom team. The former Torino boss boasted that "Leicester have players of quality who can get us out of this situation" before a minion pointed out that he had not signed for the East Midland strugglers.

"I'm where!" he was heard to gasp before running our of the press room screaming "why God, why!"

Down in the Segunda, Celta Vigo have finally realised that having Hristo Stoichkov as boss was a pointless as trying to understand the cd filing system of FNAC. The Bulgarian was appointed in April with the aim of keeping Celta in the Primera. He failed on that task and then managed to lead the club to an unimpressive 11th in the second division.

Stoichkov maintained that the decision to leave was his and was for personal reasons - "my family is not with me and its hard to go home and just have four walls there."

He has been replaced by former temporary Real Madrid, Racing Santander and Levante coach Juan Ramón López Caro - a man that La Liga Loca still feels was treated appallingly by the Bernabeu bosses.

José Antonio Reyes has claimed that his potty-mouthed tirade, on Sunday, was not aimed at Javier Aguirre as everyone and their dog knows, but at himself. "If you read my lips I think you'll find that I did not say 'I sh*t on your mother f*cking ar*e' but instead, 'I sh*t on my mother f*cking ar*e." Glad that's cleared up.

Real Madrid have unveiled, to great fanfare, a set of new exercise bikes. "Ronaldo broke all the other ones" admitted an unnamed member of the fitness team.

And Fabio Cannavaro has reacted to a question on the club's links with David Villa, by yelling "How much!!" when being told that a figure of 150 million euros was being touted.

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Planes, Trains and Strains

That slap, slap, slappy sound you may have heard on Tuesday morning was that of bad boy José Antonio Reyes going over Enrique Cerezo's knee and having his naughty botty spanked.

Now that's an image to keep you going through the day.

The cause of this castigation was Reyes' whine-o-meter hitting 9.5 on Sunday evening, when he was subbed from Atletico's 3-0 defeat to Barcelona. The midfielder, who has yet to complete a whole game for the rojiblancos this season, was apparently upset at the decision to send him the bench and made an angry gesture in Javier Aguirre's direction, reportedly saying some very, very bad things.

Luckily, Reyes' accent is impenetrable to many, so no one can be exactly sure of what he may have uttered.

Atletico have denied that anything untoward happened and claimed that the winger was upset by a tackle from Deco. Although that was swiftly contradicted by centre back, Fabiano Eller, who admitted that his actions "could have been a lack of respect to the others who were on the bench. And perhaps if he stopped mincing about and scored, he wouldn't get dropped, so often" the Brazilian failed to add.

Atletico Madrid proved once again that Spanish football clubs have absolutely no sense of humour - accept when it comes to appointing managers or playing Riki - by managing to get two directors working for the Madrid Metro sacked.

An advertisement was broadcast by the organisation, recently, depicting a desperate, arm waving, stinky looking Atletico Madrid fan trying to get to a game by car but getting stuck in traffic and thus missing the kick off of their latest defeat.

In contrast, a smug as hell, king of the pijos Real Madrid supporter was pictured on an unusually empty looking metro car before strolling happily into the stadium with plenty of time to spare to see the latest dull as hell, half-arsed victory from his club.

Of course this was a dreadful slur and an inaccurate portrayal. Everyone knows that Atletico fans cannot afford cars and Real Madrid supporters turn up for their games in Landrovers.

An indignant Atletico Madrid contacted local community chief and witch queen Esperanza Aguirre to complain - and having nothing better to do aside from dealing with illegal pollution levels, muggings, rape, theft, corruption and constant frickin' power cuts - she was happy to take time out to plead the rojiblanco case to get the ad pulled. And get the poor Metro saps fired.

Speaking of a smug Real Madrid, last week, the club unveiled their La Saeta super jet that would be ferrying the club's players, hangers on and 65,0000 euro paying guests to away matches this season.

Very nice, everyone thought. Until ABC revealed that the plane was around twenty five years old, had spent the last 8 of them rusting in the desert and was so decrepid that it is banned from Germany, the Low Countries and Switzerland because of its insanely loud noise levels.

Luckily there are no Dennis Bergkamp types with Mr T tendencies at the club. Yet.

There is a myth in Spain that Marca and AS spend 100% of the time scurrying behind Real Madrid's path, spreading petals and forlock tugging. This is wrong. It is about 95%. For the remaining 5% though, the two papers often take it turns to give the club a bit of poke.

And this week, it is Marca's turn. On Monday the paper published a story, that Ramón Calderón's sons may have been up to some real estate jiggery pokery. Incidentally, throw a tennis ball into a small crowd in Spain and it will hit someone up to no good in this industry.

Calderón took offence to Marca daring to report this and ordered all the club's officials and management to boycott their awards shindig on Monday night, that appeared to be populated entirely by 55 year old men in suits.

And this has upset Real Madrid's hefty contingent of 55 year old men in suits who missed out on a sensational night of free booze and ham.

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Monday's Good Day, Bad Day - Round Seven

La Liga Loca needs you. Due to a hefty dose of man flu and the farcical fixture situation, the blog did not see too much this weekend.

But you all did! Click on comments, or write in to laligaloca@yahoo.co.uk for your musings. After all, there's another two weeks without proper footie, so plenty of time to kill.

Good Day

Real Madrid

La Liga Loca did manage to drag it's broken, weakened body to the Bernabeu, where it blinked at the hot burny shiny thing in the sky - only normally seen at Racing and Murcia games, on a Sunday.

And La Liga Loca is now bored of it's 'Bernd Schuster is the new Capello, blah, blah' argument. This week, it's 'Real Madrid are a confident, lean mean scoring machine.'

Barely moved out of second gear on Sunday, especially in the first half - which they did not turn up for - but still beat Recreativo 2-0. Interestingly, another fixture lost, last season.

Ruud Van Nistelrooy

He's just very, very good, isn't he?

Leo Messi

So, it was Barcelona's mighty midget that won the hyped up battle between him and Atletico's Sergio Agüero. The Argentinean now sits at the top of the Pichichi charts with six and it was no wonder that Laporta felt the need to have another moan at international fixtures and the requirement for Barcelona players to be in them.

The Atletico at home fixture is normally one that Barça struggles with, but thanks to a bit of a balls up from Abbiati in the rojiblanco goal, it was one that seemed to go quite comfortably for the Catalans.

Is the league already a two horse race?

Victor Valdés

Instead of joining in anti-Catalan conspiracy theories about his continued non-selection to the Spanish squad, Valdés has attacked those calling for his promotion ahead of either Casillas and Reina - two keepers who are, with all due respect, better than the Barcelona stopper.

"I don't understand it, as people talk about me although I have never been chosen," he said. "It is a lack of respect towards the players who have been selected.

Espanyol

5th in a row, and on a three match winning streak. One can only imagine potty mouthed Paul from Barcelona is so happy he is strolling around the city, buying Barça fans pints and praising Leo Messi to the high heavens. Let's find out.

"Went to Valencia on Saturday..fuckin' magic our maurice (Selwyn Froggat references, don't get this on the Guardian). I thought we played our best this season, still not there though.

Valdo, apart from one pass was shite but Kameni was like his first season, Brilliant.
Riera's goal was as good as anything Barça have scored but for some reason I couldn't buy a ten page supplement about it on Sunday.

Real Madrid at home next and we are in with a great shout of beating them."

Paul, Barcelona

Sergio Garcia

For ages now the striker with the very excellent facial hair has been bailing Zaragoza out when Milito and co have not been clicking. And he did so again on Sunday, with the opener against Abel Resino and Ian Harte-less Levante.

Getting booted out of the UEFA may be a good thing for Zaragoza as it already looked as if it was having a detrimental affect on their league performance. With Sevilla having lost the plot, an unpredictable Atletico and a god knows what Valencia, there may be a slot or two opening in the top four this season. And Zaragoza are definitely good enough to fill it.

Deportivo La Coruña

Didn't see that one coming. But it was good to see Riki very nearly fluffing his impossible to miss winner, by studding it into the back of the net.

Mallorca

Absolutely loving Malloca at the moment. Which is not something the blog could ever imagined itself saying, a year ago, such was the tediousness of their playing style.

Gregorio Manzano has now thrown away the concept of defending for Galactico style, out scoring the opposition tactics. For the second home match in a row, Mallorca came back from 2-0 to win 4-2. And in between that they were thrashed 3-0 by Betis.

"The beast within us has been reborn" roared Manzano on their latest Arango inspired comeback which sees them in seventh. Exactly where the omniscient La Liga Loca* predicted they would end up, in the pre season preview. *probably.

Osasuna

The rock and roll, middle finger pointing, snarling Osasuna is back in business. Their 3-2 win over Villarreal was achieved with two men less and after having been 1-0 down. And with an absolute corker from Javi Garcia as the winner.

Although, they will probably lose next week in Almería.

Bad Day

Quique Sanchéz Flores

What is it with Valencia fans? Never happy. Booing Quique at the start of the season after a defeat to Villarreal. Then ok for a while, after Valencia win a bunch of games. Then the side loses a couple against Chelsea and Espanyol and they are at it again. He should just get out of Dodge and just leave the crazies to run the asylum.

Christian Abbiati

Atletico's goalkeeping no.2's don't seem to have much luck in this fixture. Last season at the Calderon, Pichu let in six in a hilarious display. And fifteen minutes into the match at the Nou Camp encounter, Abbiati spilled a Messi cross into the path of Deco, who said thank you very much. But probably in Portugeuese.

"I apologised to everyone at half time," said the guilt ridden guardian, unaware that blunder confession time at Atletico was cancelled years ago, due to time constraints.

Abel Resino

Adios Abel. Levante's beleaguered boss finally has his managerial finger nails stamped on by club president, Julio Romero. "We hope the decision is correct." This time, it probably is.

Francisco Casquero

You will probably want to avoid running into this particular Getafe midfielder, for the next fortnight, after his side threw away a two goal lead to lose 4-2 at Mallorca that leaves second from bottom of the table. "I'm a winner and I'm going to be pissed off for the next two weeks, because it shames me to see where we are in the table."

Sevilla

Oh dear. Definitely in full on crisis mode now. Four defeats in a row. And to Deportivo of all people. "They've lost their X Factor" say Marca. They've lost their balance and style of play, says Juande Ramos. They've lost their strength and style, says Dani Alves. What do the readers of La Liga Loca say?

Raul

Another good game - and an assist for the Real Madrid captain and it's still not enough to squeeze him into Aragones' squad. That pleasure has gone to another Raul - Tamudo. And something that Bernd Schuster predicted would happen, on Sunday evening. "It seems that a player beginning with the letter 't' will be going," said the German manager.

Asier del Horno

Not a good week for the Chelsea and Valencia reject. Abused by a fan who called him a retard and accused him going out drinking on a Thursday night with Amorebieta. And now rather harshly sent off for a winger/provoked lunge on Sunday.

La Liga Loca's early season hope for Athletic's season now looks a little foolish considering they have only won one single game - and that was against Levante. "I know we're still shit," Athletic boss Joaquín Caparrós, failed to say, on Sunday.

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All blog content copyright of La Liga Loca, 2007.

The Famous Quotes of the Week

"Football is a game for men. They need to copy the referees in England where it's not a woman's game" - All hail to the godlike genius of Murcia's Pablo Garcia, still the most entertaining player in the league, by a long way.

"He cannot have ten good minutes then spend the rest of the time, not being seen" - Bernd Schuster reveals that Robinho's special footballing tactic has been rumbled.

"I didn't like the attitude of our midfield against Getafe, at times" - And so continues Bernd Schuster, who appears to have someone slipping some kind of CIA truth serum into his daily Bratwurst.

"We all suffer. His teammates and his family" - Sevilla's Vincenzo Maresca on the sleaze ball tv shows in Spain that are currently trawling through Antonio Puerta's love life.

"I spent Thursday evening watching teletext to see where we ended up in the table" - those long autumn nights must fly by in Castellón. Villarreal director general, José Manuel Llaneza confesses how he like to spend his free time.

"He has 72 hours to come back. If he doesn't, we will report him to the federation" - Lower league club, Barakaldo's official announcement on the disappearance of Welsh import Rob Davies who buggered off with nothing more than a email to say goodbye.

"To beat Real Madrid is a proletariat revolution" - Juanma Trueba in AS, having completed his social studies GCSE.

"I grew as a person, both on and off the field" - A more mature, cuddly Julio Baptista on his year at Arsenal.

"If the president is defending me, then there is something to defend" - Sevilla boss, Juande Ramos shows the relationship with Jose Marie del Nido is as healthy as ever.

"If you don't like it, then it's better to stay at home" - Deportivo midfielder, Sergio, tells the club's booing fans that they can do one.

"If you are not a big club then the referees are always right. Even when they aren't" - La Liga Loca kind of understands what Murcia manager, Luis Alcaraz is getting at. But only kind of.

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Emails...Emails...Emails...

A Question for the reader(s)

My question is about the Basque teams. I have heard a rumour that
Athletic Bilbao and Real Sociedad only play Basque players and only buy
Basque and foreign players not Spanish. Can you confirm this? If this is
true, can the same be said about their managers?

Many thanks in advance.

Barra

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Monday's Good Day, Bad Day - Round Six

Good Day

Sergio Ramos

The sooner Pepe or Metzelder get off their sick beds, the better, just so we can enjoy Sergio Ramos at his marauding best at right back, again. His collision with the Getafe post after the winning goal brought a great gasp from all those watching, as well as Ramos himself, no doubt. It was a collision that would probably have broken Arjen Robben into iddy biddy pieces, too.

Sergio Agüero

Goal number five for the little Argentinean, this season and his third in three games. After a year of 'settling' into both the club and the city, Agüero now seems to be flourishing. It could be due to the departure of Fernando Torres, a player he never clicked with on the pitch, or it could simply be down to doing what he's told. That's what Javier Aguirre thinks - "he now understands what his role is in the side".

Atletico's third win a row is their best run in the league for donkey's years and it should take some pressure off their Mexican manager. For a couple of weeks anyway. "The team is beginning to believe in itself" says Aguirre who is aiming for a top four place to take into the upcoming international break.

Real Betis

Against Real Madrid on Thursday night, there were signs that Betis were starting to improve - let's face it, they couldn't have been worse. And they did so on Sunday with was an unexpectedly large 3-0 victory over Mallorca, their first win of the season.

The papers were predicting mayhem at the de Lopera if Héctor Cúper did not pull a result out of his Argentinean arse. And that's exactly what he did. "We needed this win like we needed air" confessed the relieved Betis boss.

Valencia

The papers seem to be unimpressed with their performances, but Valencia are still grinding the wins out. Sunday's 0-1 smash and grab effort at Recreativo was their fifth victory in a row in the league and puts them just one point off the top. El Pais claimed dismissively that the win was "minimum effort, minimum ambition but maximum result". Sounds like a typical day at the office for La Liga Loca. Accept for the last part.

Villarreal

Not a great showing from the Yellow Submarine by all accounts and the newly crowned (by Marca, anyway) "mad midgets" of Cazorla, Rossi and Nihat failed to get on the score sheet. But Villarreal fans wouldn't give a rat's arse and will happily take the three points and their fifth win of the season.

Thierry Henry

A warm welcome to Henry and his first appearance in the hallowed pages of the 'good day' section. In previous matches the frowning Frenchman had been desperately unlucky, but his sixteenth minute opener against Levante - a snatched effort from a Messi shot - released his footballing load. Quite simply Barcelona are playing some lovely stuff at the moment, but the loss of Toure Yaya for a month, is a massive blow.

Espanyol

6th !!!! Can you believe it !!!! Paul from Barcelona can't

They say the sign of a good team is when you play badly and win. Espanyol were Brazil '70' today. They played badly so must be that brilliant.

A pretty poor match and thanks to Kameni and Depors' ineffective strike force we took 3 points, thanks to our only real threat. Tamudo took his goal, a header, well.

Depor didn't look too bad until they into the area (Cue very old jigsaw joke) then they looked hopeless. Big shout out to the three Depor fans who made the journey across Spain. I personally wouldn't cross my living room to watch them.

Bad to back wins put us in the top six but are next 2 games are Valencia and Real Madrid.so mid table looks about right.

Final point..Who are these people who go to matches and spend all match with their back to the pitch?( Levante fans ? better for them). They join in all the songs and chanting but never watch the game. We should be told.

Paul, Barcelona

Ezequiel Garay

Finally, a goal and a clean sheet from the thinking man's Fantasy Team selection and Racing Santander defender. His side have now nestled into an eleventh place spot, where they can be expected to defend it to the death with tooth picks and shovels. At least until January when they can buy a striker.


Bad Day

Ikechukwu Uche

At times, Michael Laudrup must have been wishing he had registered himself as a player, just so he could drag Uche off the pitch and have a go himself. Some criminal misses from the Nigerian striker against Real Madrid, let the visitors off the hook and left his Getafe side second from bottom and still without a win this season.

Real Madrid

To read what a particularly bad tempered and probably a little harsh Spanish Thing made of Sunday night's performance - click here.

Deportivo

The footballing equivalent of Dementors. Spend too much time in the company of Miguel Angel Lotina and his soul-sucking side, and you slowly lose the will to exist. Last week, against Getafe they were flaccid and lacklustre. Looking at reports from the Montjuic, they were a little better against Espanyol. But without a proper striker and reliant on the admittedly handy looking José Guardado, the future looks very bleak indeed for a doomed Deportivo.

Abel Resino

Barcelona are already in good enough form not to need extra help from the clowns dressed up as footballers that Levante coach, Abel Resino threw onto the pitch, on Saturday night. Before the game, he argued that Messi needed "five marking him". Nonsense as Liverpool's Arbeloa will contest. However, at least one would help.

How Resino is still in a job, is any one's guess. But he is certainly on borrowed time listening to the comments on Sunday of club president, Julio Romero - "this team needs a change, not that I am saying that Abel must go" said the bigwig unconvincingly.

Arouna Koné

Four defeats in a row now, for Sevilla. But the run only looks bad in contrast to their previous sterling form over the past couple of years. On Saturday night, Sevilla did everything but score with new Koné and Kanouté being particularly guilty of the most glaring misses. "The final result was surprising" admitted Juande Ramos, "there is no logical explanation" he continued, hurling a cricket ball in the direction of the club's most expensive signing.

The message for Sevilla fans is 'Don't panic'. Yet.

Mallorca

Officially the Primera's most unpredictable side.

TV Morons

Another classic week in the "f*ck the fans" campaign by the warring busy bodies of the Spanish media. No coverage of the Sevilla v Espanyol classic on Tuesday. La Sexta forced to bin their coverage of Real Madrid v Betis match on Thursday and incidents of the rival tv companies banning each others cameras from grounds over the weekend, so that all the footage that one channel had of the Valencia game, looked like it was filmed on a camera phone.

With La Sexta threatening to pirate signals again, this weekend, and one company head claiming that private detectives have been hired by another to follow him, this ridiculous situation looks like it may continue for a very long time.

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